WTF

I got up so early today for such a relatively small amount of work. But, if I keep training, I will become nocturnal and sleep during the day while maintaining absolute vigilance at night. Alone and in the shadows. All for the ultimate goal of being awake at night. (??)

A very old and fat woman just walked into Peet’s Coffee on Larchmont wearing my exact school uniform. WTF. We’re twinning because I’m also wearing my uniform. This is so freaky. She’s with her boyfriend. Maybe it’s a schoolgirl fantasy thing? Who is doing that at 7 in the morning, though? Maybe I should just go up, push her shoulder, and ask what the fuck is up. I’ll lower my voice and tell her she doesn’t want to see me angry.

Another woman just walked in. She is sporting the largest BBL I have ever seen. Gah damn. 

I like Peet’s in theory but it feels like, every time I am here for an extended period of time, my eyes inevitably get molested by some freak who is also here for coffee. I can’t even switch to Starbucks because it tastes like dishwater. 

I wanted autumn to start for so long, but the second I opened my front door this morning, I felt a breeze and got goosebumps. I take it all back. I don’t know what I want. More jackets? I used to wear puffer jackets every day. It was a little dramatic and pimp-ey, but I was never cold.

Wait, back to the woman with the BBL. I shit you not she has been up there ordering for the past twenty minutes. I am so scared for the woman behind the counter. Female solidarity isn’t dead. It actually was born today. Happy birthday, kid. I’m your dad. 

As my friend who is a terrorist would say, “death to us all.” Kidding! Just me. I can’t do any more work.