Add Title

I originally thought that just a single school administrator was trying to ruin my life. Now, I realize that literally everyone is working against me and wants to see me fail. This sucks because, instead of enjoying my long weekend, I have to make a big Burn Book to expose all of these fucking people for the injustices they have committed against me. My grades and mistakes aren’t my fault anymore. I should not be forced into taking responsibility for anything. If you try to refute me, be ready to respond to allegations online that you are a raging Trump supporter who hates a certain minority group I will not specify right now. #Cancelled. And people will listen to me, too. I have been growing my online platform in preparation for this moment.

I’m fucking disgusted. Also, I decided on my dream career and, turns out, I didn’t need four years of expensive and rigorous private schooling. It was probably net-good for me, but still. 

---------

Today, I walked to CVS. I bought a pack of gum and some fruit-flavored mints to stock up for the week ahead. 

It was weird being in CVS. When I was younger, I treated CVS as a safety net and a second home. When I didn’t have anything to do (which I often didn’t, because I had zero social life), I could always walk to CVS and get a Diet Coke and a pack of gum. It was my ritual and an easy way to kill twenty minutes. If there was an official record stating how much money I spent at CVS from ages 12 to 15, it genuinely might contain thousands of dollars.

Now that my circumstances have changed, every time I walk up to buy gum or whatever, it feels like complete regression. CVS is a heavy blanket. I can push myself out of my comfort zone all I want, but the individual steps I take to walk there are enough to put me back in my place.

Maybe that’s a good thing. I appreciate the times I am given proof that life is non-linear. Every experience can be boiled down to the feelings I am subsequently left with, turning moments into colors and patterns that I can relive. Each second is another stroke on the big painting I am going to be left with on my deathbed. 

That sounds morbid-ish. I don't know. I am more reflective than usual because I have started facing the fact that, when I look in the mirror, I am finally the person I always wanted to be. This is unfortunate, because I had pretty freaking low expectations for what “making it” would look like. Still. Now that I am here, I am trying to find the greater wisdom that I assumed would come with reaching my platonic ideal. Lol. That’s a little dramatic. I still have ways to go, but what I’m trying to say is that I’m in a good place.

My Life Goalz will inevitably change and this feeling will expire. Still, I am ready to walk into school on Tuesday with newfound confidence. Everything will be different. I will wave at people in the hallways. I’ll punch a teacher. If I get a bad grade on my HESsay, I will stand up and walk out of class.

--------

Beach House music genuinely puts me in the worst mood I have ever felt in my life. WTF.