Happy Fall

Sorry I have been MIA - not that anyone is following this blog very closely. Whatever. School has a gun to my head and, if I come up for air too long, they will take me out back and finish the job.

I am such a snoop on Spotify. It’s not even funny. I used to just steal people’s music taste and pass it as my own. Now, it feels like I am checking playlist updates as a way of understanding below-the-surface truths about the people around me. I read into everything. You can’t just ask someone if they are pissed off. But, you can try to get into their head via their study playlist. So, I leave no stone unturned. In a way, it’s made me more intentional with my own Spotify behavior. If I were a digital media specialist, I’d tell people to make their playlists private because people like me are out there, waiting to pounce. I’m a musical pervert.

My head has been hurting all day. My parents think I am sick. Something about this “sickness” feels like I might not see the other end. I shouldn’t have eaten so many Starbursts. The Diet Cokes were bad for me. Ugh. Doesn't matter. My “flu” is sharp and localized like a needle, rather than it smothering me. I don’t feel it in my sinuses. It hurts my chest. I’m not scared though cause I’m still alpha as fuck.

During my math test today, I started crying. I usually never cry. However, I have started crying in the middle of both tests I have taken this year in AP Calculus. I’m 2 for 2. People don’t know how it feels. They don’t know how it feels to see a tear drop hit the graph they are trying to analyze. They don’t know how it feels to stare into the eyes of Ms. Valladeres, tears rolling down their cheeks, and silently pray for something between mercy and forgiveness. It’s not fair. I studied so much (for one day), and this is all I get (completely fair results)? Screw math. This is why God gave us AI. 

I was at a debate tournament this weekend. Debate isn’t really my thing. I am so bad at being succinct and persuasive. Frankly, I don’t care who believes that the sun is exploding, with the only solution being the world gathering to colonize space. I have bigger fish to fry, like Instagram.

I made some interpersonal decisions in September and now I live with the constant thought of “now is probably not the time to address XYZ.” I’m putting everything off until second semester. But, things are finite and my choice might change. I have like five people I need to start drafting texts to. Schedule send for January 15th, 2027.