DeadInternetTheory

Everyone is bullying Brittany Howard online. I’m not even going to share my opinions on the situation. I’m just going to recount what I am seeing.

 The official Alabama Shakes TikTok account is posting videos of their new single. All of the lyrics are about how everyone is being forced into working-class jobs. Freedom freedom blah blah blah. People are mad because, ever since her music got big, she doesn’t have to work that hard, and she’s preaching about a lifestyle she hasn’t experienced in decades.

On top of that, she is clinically obese and not very pretty. Everyone makes fun of her for that, too. Her comment sections are vicious. It’s sort of funny, but I feel bad. People should listen to Sound & Color before releasing these very harsh judgements into the digital atmosphere. 

I kind of subscribe to Dead Internet Theory so it’s probably mostly bots. Yeah, actually. I am right about that. They are bots. 

The news hasn’t gotten a hold of this story yet. You heard it here first, folks.

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My parents keep getting mad at me because I am not “doing” anything this summer. Well actually, mom and dad, I just overcame a massive mental hurdle. For years, I would look online and see hundreds of idiots smoking niche cigarette brands while listening to jazz albums they don’t actually like. 

A younger, weaker version of me would see it and think “wow, how cool.” 

Now, I see it and scoff. I finally know the truth. Nobody cares if anyone is cool because everyone is focused on different stuff. It’s a waste of time and money to constantly cock-ride NicheAesthetic fads.

I used to think of life as a social hierarchy. I have hit an age where that hierarchy has evened out. I don’t care about what anyone is doing. I don’t care about what I am doing. In a decade, I am not going to speak to the people I currently talk to on a regular basis. It’s all temporary. 

So that is why I have to launch a massive smear campaign on Zooey Deschanel. I believe she started all of this. I am the one who has to deal with the ripple effects.

There is no greater meaning. The only thing that is real to me is an AI hate comment on Brittany Howard’s personal TikTok.